Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
