I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize