So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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