So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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