Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
