Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
