i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
