i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just found a bag of teeth...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
