You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
