i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
