I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
