How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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