just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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