OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
