I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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