I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
