If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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