Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
