First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
