It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
