Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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