im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
