His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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