i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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