so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
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She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
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The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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