i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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