My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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