Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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