You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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