I faked an abortion last night.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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