So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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