I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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