So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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