i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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