Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
