Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
