lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
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as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
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We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My bed smells like the plague
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