Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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