everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
