There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
