Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
