everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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