ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
