So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
