He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
