she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I wish there were birth control emojis
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
