my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize