the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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