Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
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I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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