It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
