All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
