you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Randomize
