I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
