YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
