hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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