Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
