we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
