Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
