Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
