I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
