she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
