Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
