before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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