omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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