I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize